In the News: "Ho ho ho! And ha ha ha!"

The Good Word: "Christianity is Christ, not Christians."

In the News: "You got it, pard!"

The Good Word: "What is reality?"

365 Films in 365 Days – October 29: Young Frankenstein

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. I knew this one would be an October watch, but I was puzzling over which day it should be. With the passing of Teri Garr this week, it suddenly became obvious. And October 29th belongs to:

Young Frankenstein (1974, Gruskoff/Venture Films Crossbow Productions, Inc./20th Century Fox, Mel Brooks)

Mel Brooks is the "Weird Al" Yankovic of film. (Or maybe it's more proper to say "Weird Al" is the Mel Brooks of music.) In much the same way that it might be difficult to nail down which "Weird Al" song is the best, so too can Brooks' fans agonize over which is their fav movie, but I'd wager Young Frankenstein usually tops any respectable list. Allow me to attempt to highlight the reasons why that is for me.

The opening act is admittedly slow and apes the long, often quiet establishing shots that the early B&W monster films made as their hallmark. As with most "Weird Al" spoofs, Brooks and Wilder had a similar approach of lampooning the source material without disrespecting it. The same is true here as the scenes start from a more traditional classic horror approach, with orchestral stinger reveals, etc., and gradually lean into zanier and kookier portrayals. It's high praise and high comedy.

Gotta love the university talk and lab demonstration that ends with Wilder's character ("Dr. Frederick Fronkenstein," who goes by a different pronunciation and it is established cares not for his grandfather's work, which he calls, "doo doo") stabbing himself in the thigh with a scalpel in an outburst while dueling words with one of his students on the subject of his forebear. He blithely ignores the wound, crosses his legs, and says, stifling his alarm and pain, "Class—uh … is dismissed." It's both urbane and sophomoric at once, and sets the same dichotomous tone throughout.

Marty Feldman's Igor is definitely in the top 10 movie sidekicks of all time. His "walk this way" introduction is simple, inoffensive comedy at its best (and sparked the famous Aerosmith song). His is the only character who routinely "winks" at the audience in fourth-wall breaking moments. He gives banter as good as he gets. And it's his character that nabs the "Abby Someone", next "Abby Normal" (his words, a dodge for abnormal) brain to further the plot and give us a retread of the original Frankenstein story. 

Hardly outdone by him though is Teri Garr's Inga. Her "roll in ze hay" intro is eternally quotable. She wears her German affectation with such cuteness and in an unpretentious way that neatly fits in with the odd-ball performances. Almost every scene that she's in with the doctor has some double-entendre to it that goes completely over the heads of little ones but always leaves adults tittering, and steals each moment when it occurs.

Dr. Fronkenstein's tantrum after failing to get a reaction from the Monster after electrocuting him is pure comedic gold. He sighs peacefully and talks of accepting failure with quiet dignity and grace. A moment later, he turns back to pound the corpse's chest with his fists: "Son of a bitch! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me?!" Inga tries to intercede, but he continues, "I don't want to live. I do not want to live!" he moans like a child. "Quiet dignity and grace," Igor repeats, deadpanning to the camera with an eye-roll. The doctor moans as the scene fades to black, "Oh … mama…"

One of the richest scenes in the film is when the three of them "play" a game of charades as Dr. Fronkenstein is being strangled by the Monster they've freshly reanimated. "SEDAGIVE?!" lol.

The cast is rounded out by supporting roles of Madeline Kahn's Elizabeth, Cloris Leachman's Frau Blücher, Kenneth Mars's Inspector Kemp, and Peter Boyle's the Monster. Even if the movie had only two others of these plus the main three, you'd still have a classic on your hands. No one tries to upstage anyone else, and everyone still has moments to shine and add to the whole. It's an ensemble outdone by maybe only a few films ever (12 Angry Men among them, which I'll definitely cover later).

It isn't until the latter half of the movie that Boyle's Monster logs some serious screen time. The scene with the little girl is charming and a bit whimsical. The part where she goes soaring through the air off a powerful see-saw motion and lands peacefully tucked in bed is absolute cartoonish hokum, but it works. That's followed by the Monster's scene with Gene Hackman's blind priest Harold, the three failed attempts at hospitality, and the infamous ad-lib at the end: "I was going to make espresso."

Another top-shelf funny scene ensues after the three mains recapture the Monster and lock him up, only for Dr. Fronkenstein to resolve to lock himself inside in a vain attempt to force a bond with his creation, bidding both Igor and Inga not to open the door should anything happen. Needless to say, he almost immediately regrets it and turns tail pleading, "Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!"

What follows is a trademark turn of character, and indeed in many of Wilder's performances, from apparent coward to reluctant hero. The sheer volume and intensity Wilder rises to when he delivers the penultimate, "MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!" line is startlingly dramatic and played less for a laugh. The movie has a story and the characters still have arcs and it delivers on both fronts without skimping on the laughs and while still remaining faithful to the original material. Rare. And hard to do.

The "Puttin' on the Ritz" number is another pure charmer.

The scene when Elizabeth, Frederick's fiancee, arrives and briefly interacts with Igor and Inga is full of great little interactions. It's fun to watch the others' faces when the speaker is delivering their lines. Acting is truly as much reacting as it is anything else.

The scene where Elizabeth and Frederick are in her bedchamber is delightful. She neatly exerts her dominance in their relationship all while tempting him, but gives him none of what he wants, and as he leaves—on his knees—all he can do is mumble through tight lips the words she bids him good night with.

Not long after, she and the Monster consummate their wicked little union after he abducts her. She's all for it, however, and when they consider going for round 7 in their off-screen sexcapades, she admonishes him with, "Seven or eight quick ones and then you're off to the boys to boast and brag! You better keep your mouth shut! [swooning] Oh, I think I'm in love!" Such a woman.

The movie nears its end when Dr. Frankenstein elects to have a mutual operation done on him and the Monster to share portions of their brains with each other so that the Monster can be more balanced. The operation is successful as an angry mob breaks in, but we the viewers are left to consider whether a comatose Frederick will be left that way or not. The Monster, too, having recovered his faculties, delivers an impassioned plea to spare them both as the town mob led by Inspector Kemp—and his ever hilarious mechanical arm—agree to cease their lynching siege and leave the two in peace.

In a pair of codas, we learn that the Monster and Elizabeth got married and have recently gotten back from a party thrown by her dad in his honor. Her entrance to the room, complete with "bride of Frankenstein" hairdo, is sizzlingly funny.

In the other, we find that Frederick seems fine and is now married to Inga. She starts to hum the haunting violin music that Frau Blücher had used earlier in the film to put the Monster in a trance. To this, Frederick seems himself a bit bewitched. It's only when they're finally in bed that she adds in regard to what he gave to the Monster, "But whatever did you get from him?", to which his monstrous libido is unleashed on her and she sings a refrain from, "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life," echoing what Elizabeth had done earlier when the Monster took her as his own.

So, you know, basically sex carries the day. And laughter. Sex is pretty funny, after all. Sex and laughter: the medicine of life.

October 29 — 9 of 365 logged

Go to next! Go to last!

In the News: Sometimes I hate the idea of "manliness."

We got baptized!

The Good Word: "Love can be sinful."

In the News: Trump is nonsensical. Big surprise.

The Good Word: Be reasonable.

In the News: I've always loved Rachel Maddow.

The Good Word: He uses the weak.

The Good Word: Jekyll & Hydes are We

His Airness

MICHAEL JEFFREY “AIR” JORDAN (circa “The Last Dance,” 1998) Male Human Legendary Strong Ordinary 1/Strong Hero 4/Fast Ordinary 2/Fast Hero 2/Dedicated Ordinary 2/Dedicated Hero 1/Charismatic Hero 3; CR 9 (14); LA +1

Medium Humanoid (height 6’ 6”, weight 216 lb.); Age 35

Init +6; Senses (core) Listen +7, Search +1, Spot +7; Senses (house) Listen/Spot +15, Search +1
Languages English

Defense 23, touch 14, flat-footed 21; Dodge (+2 Dex, +11 class)
hp 92 (15 HD); Mas 14
Fort +10 (+2 vs fatigue checks between periods), Ref +8, Will +7
Action Points 12
          Note: Defense and hp numbers above are effective in terms of basketball playing potential. Defense in a “real” fight only has a +5 class bonus (Def 17 instead). Hit points when in a real fight are reduced by 30 (15 HD x 2 Con mod; 62 instead).

Speed 35 ft.
Melee unarmed strike +5 (1d6+2 nonlethal, 20) or
Melee by weapon +4
Ranged 2-pt basketball (+1 DefR) or free-throw shot +13 or
Ranged 3-pt basketball shot +12 or
Ranged fadeaway +14 (-1 DefR for 3-pt) or
Ranged turnaround fadeaway +14 (+/-1 DefR for 2-pt/3-pt) or
Ranged by weapon +4
Space 5 ft. by 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Base Atk +2 (eBAB +10); Grp +14 (+15 on slam dunk)
Atk Options Coordinate, Inspiration, Point Blank Shot
Special Qualities basketball signature (“turnaround fadeaway”; costs 1 feat), legend traits (1)

Abilities Str 15 (13), Dex 15, Con 14, Int 12, Wis 14 (13), Cha 12
'(-)' indicate original ability scores.
Allegiances greatness, himself, good, basketball, Chicago Bulls; Rep +7; San 62
Feats Acrobatic, Alertness, Brawl, Confident, Dodge, Heroic Surge*, Improved Initiative, Mobility, Point Blank Shot, Precise Shot, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Weapon Focus (fadeaway), Weapon Focus (slam dunk)
* Bonus feat selected from Legend template
Skills (core) Balance +21, Bluff +9, Diplomacy +7, Drive +8, Gamble +8, Intimidate +14, Jump +25, Knowledge (business) +4, Knowledge (current events) +3, Knowledge (tactics) +4, Listen +7, Profession (businessman) +10, Read/Write English, Sense Motive +7, Sleight of Hand +9, Speak English, Spot +7, Swim +4, Tumble +6
Skills (house) Athletics +19 (+8 on Jump), Control +20 (+1 on Balance), Drive +8, Gamble +8, Knowledge (business) +4, Knowledge (current events) +3, Knowledge (tactics) +4, Perceive +13 (+2 on Listen, Spot), Persuade +18 (+2 on Intimidate), Profession (businessman) +10, Read/Write English, Sneak +9, Speak English, Tumble +6
Talents (Strong Hero) Extreme Effort, Improved Extreme Effort
Talents (Fast Hero) Increased Speed
Talents (Dedicated Hero) Skill Emphasis (Jump)
Talents (Charismatic Hero) Coordinate, Inspiration
Starting Occupation Athlete (+1 on Balance, Drive, Jump as permanent class skill; Brawl)
Possessions (total weight 4.5 lb.) uniform (Bulls jersey & shorts; 2 lb.), Air Jordan sneakers (1 lb.), professional basketball (1.5 lb.)
Wealth Bonus +23

Basketball Abilities
Position: Shooting Guard
Handedness: Right
Energy Level: High
Location Proficiencies: All
Offense: +27
Defense: +27
Dunk/Lay-up (contested): +40 (core), +42 (house); uncontested dunk is automatic unless two natural 1s; lay-ups may automatically impose -5 on defensive player (@ DC 39, +25 to base)
2-pt Shot (@ +13) %: 75
Fadeaway: +31 (core), +33 (house)
Turnaround Fadeaway**: Can only be done from left/right post, or against 1 opponent; treat success margins as 8 points lower; ignore -1 penalty for 2-pt
Free Throw %: 95 (90 after 1 period, 85 after 2 periods, 80 after 3 periods)
Pass: +16
On-ball/Pass Steal: +17/11 (core), 17 (house)
3-pt Shot %: 35
** Unique specialty

D20 Basketball Rules

Levels/Effective BAB/Def/Hit Points, etc.
Professional athletes whose careers are strictly confined to the disciplines of their sport(s) do not progress in the same way as conventional heroic characters do. Much of their ability and exploits are on display in a specific capacity that is not tested by the more random and varied rigors of a standard “adventuring career.” Due to this, any heroic levels gained while maintaining a professional athlete’s career are only “effective levels” in a broader game sense. Only levels attained as an Ordinary character, as detailed in the core rulebook, will provide base attack bonuses for the purposes of melee/ranged effects, although the effective heroic levels will still add to those features and actions which would promote the abilities exemplified by an athlete dedicated to their specific discipline (e.g., effective BAB would still add to a basketball player’s jump shot, but not their attacks with a firearm, etc.). Furthermore, effective hit points are calculated including all standard measures, but for “real” combat purposes will be reduced by an amount equal to the character’s HD times any Con modifier (i.e., even a -2 Con mod would reduce a pro athlete’s effective hit points by HD x 2). Finally, class bonus to Defense is reduced by 1/2 when calculating for “real” combat situations. Similarly, instead reduce the character’s CR by 1/2 their heroic levels outside of their sports discipline.

eBAB 6+ grants specialty; must burn feat slot(s) for unique speciality (“signature move”)
eBAB 7+ grants ability proficiency in all shot locations
eBAB 8+ grants ability to attract multiple defenders
eBAB 9+ grants ability to ignore contested shots from single defender
eBAB 10 grants ability to attract and ignore contested shots from multiple defenders

Shot Chart

* Natural only
** Reduce 2-pt base DefR (-2 to -5) by half eBAB (max 10), rounded down
Note: Increase upper end of DefR for bonuses by Point Blank Shot, Weapon Focus feats, etc., on a 1:1 basis

eBAB         2-pt DefR        %          3-pt DefR          %           FT Def         %
0               16-20              25          15, 20*            10          16+             25

Dex            2-pt DefR        %          3-pt DefR          %           FT Def         %
+1              16-20              30          15, 20*            10          16+             30
+2              16-20              30          15, 20*            10          16+             35
+3              16-21              35          15-16, 20*       15          15+             45
+4              16-21              35          15-16, 20*       15          15+             50
+5              16-22              40          14-16, 20*       20          14+             60

1-4             15-25           35-50        20-22            10-20       14+           40-55

+1              15-25           40-55        20-22            15-20       14+           45-60
+2              15-25           45-60        20-22               20         14+           50-65
+3              15-26           50-65        20-23               25         13+           60-75
+4              15-26           55-65        20-23               25         13+           65-80
+5              15-27           60-70        20-24               30         12+           75-90

5+**       1[0/3]-25         65-75        20-23               25         12+           70-95

+1           1[0/3]-26        70-85        20-24               30         12+           75-95
+2           1[0/3]-27        75-85        20-25               35         12+           80-95
+3           1[0/3]-28        75-90        20-26               40         12+           85-95
+4           1[0/3]-29        75-95        20-27               45         12+           90-95
+5           1[0/3]-30        75-95        20-28               50         12+              95

Shot attempt is a d20 roll plus eBAB+Dex mod, the result of which must either fall between the DefR or surpass the Def, as normal; Point Blank Shot only counts toward 2-pt shots

Energy Levels: High, Mid, Low; High level players receive +2 bonus on Fort saves vs. fatigue between consecutive periods (DC 15; if failed, electing to rest 1 period removes fatigued condition), but take a cumulative -2 penalty on free throws for every consecutive period played; Mid level players receive no bonus/penalty; Low level players must roll twice, taking the lower result on each fatigue check between periods, but may increase their DefR on either 2-pt or 3-pt shots by +1

Shot locations: [2-pt] paint, left/right post, high post; [3-pt] left/right wing, straight away; position/handedness determines location proficiencies as follows: Centers (paint, post matching handedness); Forwards (post of choice, wing matching handedness); Guards (wing matching handedness, wing or left/right post of choice); shot attempts from non-proficient locations require 2 rolls, accepting only the worse result

Offense vs. Defense (Making shots/Contesting): Defensive player must be adjacent to affect shot; opposed Balance/Control (+2 synergy bonus on offense for 5 ranks in either Bluff, Intimidate, Sleight, Tumble; on defense for 5 ranks in either Intimidate, Sense, Sleight, Tumble); offense wins by 5 or less and defense is > shooter's Def, shot is contested and offensive player must roll shot attempt twice, taking the worse result; defense wins by > 5 and defense is > shooter's Def, shot is deflected/blocked (may then make opposed Grapple to steal); shot with 2+ defenders in location imposes -4 on shot roll and +/-4 on DefR (unless Precise Shot, which ignores shot penalty and -4 on DefR); offense wins by > 10, shot plus foul

Dunk/Post-up: Breakaway/uncontested one-handed dunk is Jump/Athletics DC 13 (for 7+ footers), 18 (for 6+ footers), 24 (for 5+ footers), +2 two-handed, +15 if moved < 20 ft; opposed Jump/Athletics+Grapple check, if contested (if defensive player is shorter, must roll twice, taking worse result); offense wins > 10, dunk plus foul; natural 1 on dunk must be rerolled, if natural 1 again, dunk misses

Lay-up: As dunk, except DCs are 10 (7’), 14 (6’), 18 (5’), no two-handed or movement-based difficulty; offensive player may intentionally increase base lay-up DC by increments of 5, each increment imposes a cumulative -1 on defensive player

Fadeaway: Must have 8+ ranks in Balance/Control; requires adjacent defensive player; first, opposed Jump/Athletics (w/same synergy bonuses as offense vs. defense); if successful, treat all success offense margins as if they were 5 points lower (i.e., shot is contested only if checks match, etc.), but the shot’s DefR is adjusted -1 for 2-pt, -2 for 3-pt, contested or not

Free Throws: Attempts following a “hard foul” (when fouled by a defensive player with a higher Str mod) suffer a -2 penalty; “clutch” attempts (during the final moments of a game decided by 2 points or less) suffer a -2 penalty

Passing: Ranged attack (+2 synergy bonus for 5 ranks in Bluff, Sleight, Tumble) vs. Def 6 (standing recipient), Def 10 (moving recipient); passer must contend with cover bonus to target’s Def when passing into “traffic” (recipient is covered by 1+ defenders, +2 to +7); move action w/i 30 ft. (otherwise standard action); ball’s range increment for passes is 15 ft.; may skip pass to recipient w/i 30 ft. as reaction, add +4 to Def; if pass fails, recipient may still catch the errant pass by spending their next move action and succeeding on a Reflex save, DC equals Def

On-ball/Pass Steal: On-ball (“rip”) is Initiative + Sleight of Hand check (+2 synergy for 5 ranks in Sense, Tumble) vs. opposing offense roll, must be adjacent, failure by > 5 results in a foul; stealing a pass is a readied move action (must be w/i 10 ft of passer or “passing lane”) with a Sense Motive check (+2 synergy for 5 ranks in Balance, Sleight, Tumble) vs. pass result, but assess a -1 penalty for every other player between the player attempting the steal and the passer, failure results in loss of action and any recovery to contest the offensive player with two rolls on the defensive, taking only the worse result

The Good Word: Be humble.

The Good Word: Evil exists.

The Good Word: Everything is a choice, and everything requires faith.

The Good Word: God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, the Monster?

Goku

SON GOKU (earthling name), KAKAROT (saiyan name)

circa the Android Saga
Male Unique Saiyan Legendary Strong Hero 3/Martial Artist 10/Battle Mind 7; CR 26; LA +7
Medium Humanoid (height 5' 9", weight 136 lb.); Age mid 20s

Init +6; Senses (core) Listen +4, Search -1, Spot +6; Senses (house) Listen/Spot +6, Search -1
Languages English, Japanese

Defense 31, touch 31, flat-footed 25; Defensive Martial Arts (+6 Dex, +14 class)
hp 228 (20 HD); Mas 25
Fort +16, Ref +16, Will +10 (use ki to reroll)
Action Points 15

Speed 30 ft.
Melee unarmed strike +29/+24/+19/+14 (1d10+12 lethal/nonlethal, 19-20/x3) or
Melee flying strike (charge) +30 (1d10+22 lethal/nonlethal, 19-20/x3) or
Melee flurry of blows +26/+26/+21/+16/+11 (1d10+12 lethal/nonlethal, 19-20/x3)
Melee by weapon +28/+23/+18/+13
Ranged energy blasts +27/+22/+17/+12 (1d8+13 piercing or force, 30 ft, 20) or
Ranged kamehameha +25 (varies, 50 ft, 20) or
Ranged by weapon +24/+19/+14/+9
Space 5 ft. by 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Base Atk +18; Grp +30
Atk Options Combat Reflexes, Ki (+4 to attacks/initiative/checks per round), Power Attack, Psychic (Ki) Shield (+3 equip bonus to Defense, 7 rnds), Unbalance Opponent
Special Qualities detect psionics [ki] 3/day, ki 5/day, saiyan traits, legend traits (5)

Abilities Str 30 (13), Dex 22 (13), Con 22 (13), Int 8, Wis 18 (16), Cha 12
'(-)' indicate original ability scores.
AL bettering himself, the Z Fighters, good, Earth, the fight; Rep +8; San 85
Feats Advanced Combat Martial Arts*, Archaic Weapons Proficiency, Combat Martial Arts, Combat Reflexes, Combat Throw, Defensive Martial Arts, Improved Combat Martial Arts, Improved Damage Threshold*, Inner Power, Inner Strength, Kaio-Ken* (new feat, see below), Kamehameha (new feat, see below), Ki, Power Attack*, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Renown, Shao-Lin (Muten Roshi) Kung Fu, Unbalance Opponent*, Weapon Focus (kamehameha), Weapon Focus (unarmed strike), Wild Talent (Detect Psionics [Ki])

          * Bonus feats acquired from the Legend template.
          Note: Having been raised as human, Kakarot is unique in that he receives the standard bonus feat normally assigned a human, even though he is biologically saiyan. Kakarot was never exposed to his native tongue.
          Note: Feats listed in italics were taken from the Blood and Fists supplement.
Skills (core) Autohypnosis +8, Balance +10, Climb +12, Concentration +12 (+4 to manifest powers on defensive), Jump +18, Hide +8, Intimidate +3, Knowledge (current events) +1, Meditation +6, Move Silently +8, Read/Write English, Read/Write Japanese, Ride +8, Speak English, Speak Japanese, Spot +6, Swim +12, Tumble +8, Zen Mastery +6
Skills (house) Athletics +22, Control +20 (+4 to manifest powers on defensive), Knowledge (current events) +1, Meditation +6, Perceive +6, Persuade +3, Read/Write English, Read/Write Japanese, Ride +8, Sneak +10, Speak English, Speak Japanese, Tumble +8, Zen Mastery +6
          Note: Having been raised as human, Kakarot is unique in that he receives the standard skill points normally assigned a human, even though he is biologically saiyan. Ranks for each skill above are listed in parentheses.
Talents (Strong Hero) Improved Melee Smash, Melee Smash
Talents (Martial Artist) Flurry of Blows, Flying Kick, Iron Fist
Talents (Battle Mind) Combat Manifestation, Imprint Being (new feature, see below), Improved Psi-Blade, Psi-Blade, Psychic (Ki) Shield
Power Points 17
Battle Mind Powers Known (3/3/2/1): 0 (10/day)—burst, missive, verve; 1st (1 pt)—combat precognition (+1 insight to Defense), energy blasts (new power, see below), propel (new power, see below); 2nd (3 pts)—combat focus (+4 insight on initiative), combat prescience (+2 insight on attacks); 3rd (5 pts)—spirit bomb (“Genkidama”, new power, see below)
Starting Occupation (core) Adventurer (Move Silently, Ride as permanent class skills; Archaic Weapons Proficiency)
Starting Occupation (house) Adventurer (Ride, Stealth as permanent class skills; Archaic Weapons Proficiency)
Possessions (carried weight 250 lb) Muten Roshi karate gi (specially weighted to keep Goku in peak physical shape; 250 lb.), bag of senzu beans (usually contains 5 beans; eating 1 bean restores 100 hp or 50% of the eater’s hp, whichever is higher, up to their normal maximum; you can only benefit from 1 senzu bean per day)
Wealth Bonus +7

SAIYAN
Species Traits
          Saiyans are a space-faring, warrior race of extraterrestrial bipedal near-humans who are naturally gifted in ki-related powers and abilities and possess prehensile tails with a hidden power. They often fight wearing battle armor and in loose co-affiliated units dispatched for specific mission purposes.
          Saiyans speak Saiyan.
          All saiyan powers are extraordinary in nature unless otherwise noted.
          Ability Modifiers: They receive species bonuses of +16 to Strength, +8 to Dexterity, and +8 to Constitution.
          Size: Medium. As a medium-size creature, saiyans have no special modifiers due to their size.
          Movement: Their base speed is 30 feet.
          Prehensile Tail: Saiyans may hold handheld objects or hang from their 3 to 5-ft long dark, furry tails, as they would a regular upper appendage. They cannot make attacks or use weapons with their tails. Normally, their tails use the same Defense as their bodies, but the tails can be targeted separately and may become amputated if a DC 25 bursting Str check or 10+ slashing damage is dealt to them at one time. If lost, the saiyan suffers 1 point of temporary Con damage, but no permanent hit point or ability score loss. See the “great ape transformation” below for more on the hidden power contained within saiyan tails.
          Naturally Psionic: Saiyans gain 1 bonus power point at 1st level.

          Note: Psionic powers are essentially equivalent to ki powers as depicted in DBZ.
          Deep Well of Power: Once per round as a move action, Saiyans can convert hit points up to their massive damage threshold into power points a number of times per day equal to their Wisdom modifier (5 max).
          Versatile Power: Once per round, saiyans can freely exchange 3 power points for a daily use of ki or spell-like ability, etc., or vice versa.
          Power Resistance: Saiyans have a natural power resistance of 5 + one half their character level. [LA +1/2]
          Repletion (Su): By expending 1 power point, a saiyan does not need to eat or drink for 24 hours.
          Resilience (Su): As an immediate action, a saiyan can reduce the damage he is about to take by 2 hit points for every 1 power point spent.
          Resistance (Su): As an immediate action, a saiyan can spend 1 power point to gain a +4 racial bonus on saving throws until the beginning of their next turn.
          Great ape transformation (Su): Only saiyans with tails may involuntarily transform into monstrous ape creatures. This transformation to gargantuan size (30 ft tall) occurs only when they are exposed to the light of a full moon (or similar phenomena), and takes 2 rounds to complete. After which, treat the transformed saiyan as normal except: +80 temporary hit points; they gain 2 slam attacks (2d6 base damage) which replaces all other previous attack forms (no weapon use) with an added +8 to hit and +12 to damage (double damage to objects and structures) and on Str checks; -6 to Defense; damage reduction 15/— (except for their tail); face and reach of 20 ft; +20 feet to base speed, half that as a new climb speed; the great ape form is virtually mindless and cannot communicate or use any Int, Wis, or Cha-based skills, no feats, no spell casting or psionics (although great apes are also immune to most spells and psionics), and any non-magical worn clothes or armor is shredded and ruined during the process (the GM may choose to NPC your character). Attacking and severing the tail with a slashing attack (Defense 20, 10 hit points; any damage less than 10 heals immediately) will cause the saiyan to do nothing other than writhe and revert to their original nude form over the course of 2 rounds. Severed tails have an 8% chance to grow back any time the character is frightened or in mortal peril.
          Super saiyan transformation (Su): Only saiyans with the Legend template can transform into super saiyans. Transforming also requires 1+ of the following prerequisites: A) The saiyan must have fewer than half their maximum hit points remaining and succeed on a DC 30 Concentration/Control check; or B) succeed on a DC 30 Concentration/Control check, if the saiyan has transformed before; and C) the saiyan must expend an action point and a full-round action. Upon transforming, the saiyan immediately receives +5 power points or 2 additional ki uses, up to the daily maximum; has all movement rates doubled; receives +5 to Str, Dex, and Con scores; double massive damage threshold; gets Damage Reduction 20/—; and receives 3 temporary hit points per character level (these are always expended first). The saiyan can remain in this form for a number of rounds equal to the current power points plus 3 additional rounds per daily use of ki remaining, at the time of transformation.
          Challenger Rating: +5
          Advancement: By character class.
          Level Adjustment: +6

NEW Feat Kaio-Ken
          You can amplify your ki and increase critical threat range and damage, but not without higher risk.
          Prerequisites: Wis 15+, Improved Combat Martial Arts, Ki, Inner Power, a martial arts style
          Benefit: You can distribute up to your Wis modifier (max +5) to increase your critical hit threat range and/or damage multiplier for a single form of attack. These changes remain until the end of combat or until you have suffered damage equal to your threshold.
          However, increasing either or by more than 1 puts you at risk of greater strain or injury: any saves for half or no damage are instead at disadvantage (roll twice and take the worse result), and any natural 1s on attacks, checks, or saves cause temporary damage equal to your Wis modifier to be distributed among your ability scores, as desired.
          When you take this feat, you gain an additional daily use of Ki.

NEW Signature Martial Arts Maneuver Feat Kamehameha (Shao-Lin [Muten Roshi] Kung Fu)
          You channel your ki into a devastating ki wave beam.
          Prerequisites: Shao-Lin (Muten Roshi) Kung-Fu, Ki, Inner Strength, power points, BAB +8
          Benefit: As a full-round attack and expending a daily use of ki, you can unleash a ki wave beam that deals 8d6 force damage plus 1d6 additional damage per 2 power points spent or per daily use of ki exhausted. Its range increment is 50 feet (500 ft max). As a reaction, when you are aware of the attack and not flat-footed, the ki blast can be used defensively against other beam or ray attacks, negating any damage by the damage it would otherwise deal after expending power points or ki. The ki blast also acts as a free bull rush attempt against creature targets, and the kamehameha receives a +2 Str bonus on the opposed check as if you were charging, plus its effective size is scaled up from medium for every 2d6 of additional damage dice inflicted (up to colossal size at +8d6). This bull rush effect can alternatively be used to propel you backward from the origin and direction of the blast 5 feet for every 5 points by which the Str check beats DC 5.

NEW Class Feature (Battle Mind) Imprint Being [optionally replaces Imprint Tattoo]
          Starting at 2nd level, a Battle Mind can create an imprint of their psionic self onto another willing psionic being, combining their collective power to imbue one of them to greater power levels. An imprint is a single use psionic power that combines both manifesters’ level and psionic points to permit one of them to have access to a given power or boost its strength accordingly. This must be done when both manifesters are within 30 ft of each other, and the Autohypnosis/Control DC for achieving this link is 15 + the psionic power’s level + the higher character’s manifester level.
          The Battle Mind must also expend experience equal to the power level x their manifester level x 15 to achieve the imprint.
          At 5th level, the Battle Mind can imprint two different powers (paying the XP cost for the higher of the two). At 8th level, the Battle Mind can actually metaphysically fuse together with another willing being, creating a single separate psionically powered being where before there were two. In this case, you combine the best aspects of both characters to determine their fusion form.

NEW Psionic Power Energy Blasts
Dexterity [Force]
Level: Battle Mind 1; Display: Visual; Manifestation Time: Free action; Range: See description; Duration: Instantaneous; Saving Throw: None; Power Resistance: Yes; Power Point Cost: 1
          You can collect psi-blade energy in your hand and throw them each round for as long as you can manifest them. Their range increment is 30 feet (150 ft max). They deal either piercing or force-based damage, your choice.

NEW Psionic Power Propel
Constitution
Level: Battle Mind 1, Telepath 1; Display: Visual; Manifestation Time: Attack action; Range: Personal; Duration: Varies (D); Saving Throw: None; Power Resistance: No; Power Point Cost: 1+ (variable)
          By expending a power point to manifest and then 1 additional at the end of each time interval thereafter to maintain, you are surrounded by a nimbus of color and can fly (good maneuverability) with a speed of 60 feet (240 feet as a “run”). The duration is 1 hour. This power may be manifested at a higher level. If manifested as 2nd level, costing 3 points at first and 1 at each interval, you can fly (perfect maneuverability) at 120 feet for 10 minutes. At 3rd, for 5 pts first and 2 pts later, the fly speed increases to 600 feet, but only for 1 minute. At 4th, for 7 pts and 3 pts, and instead as a move action, you can instantaneously appear 1 mile within sight of your present location each round.

NEW Psionic Power Spirit Bomb
Wisdom
Level: Battle Mind 3; Display: Visual; Manifestation Time: See description; Range: 30 ft.; Effect: Bolt; Duration: Instantaneous; Saving Throw: None; Power Resistance: Yes; Power Point Cost: 5+
          By tapping into the ambient natural background of latent power in your environment, you may collect this energy into a massive hovering spirit ball to throw as a bomb. This requires spending the initial manifesting cost as a full-round action, and then additional full-round actions and power points up to 5 each round thereafter. Keep track of the initial power point cost and the running total each round. You must maintain concentration each round to do so. The spirit ball has a diameter of 10 feet per power point imbued/collected (up to 100 pts for 1,000 feet). For every 10 points contained in the energy ball, it will inflict 1d10 damage and can be launched up to 1,000 feet; this damage cannot be reduced by damage reduction or hardness. Unanchored creatures and objects within 10 miles of the ball’s target/epicenter will be knocked prone. Once the target(s) have taken damage, the ball slowly dissipates over the next 5 rounds, after which all the power points that you used to generate it return to you in full. However, you cannot generate a new spirit ball in the same environment again until 1 week has passed.

365 Films in 365 Days – August 7: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. Despite the fact that this next movie came out in the spring, it had a largely summer run and was likely dipping at the box office around this time of summer that year, and my kids and I have been on a kick of rewatching it since first introducing them to it earlier this summer, the seventh of August now belongs to:

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975, Python Pictures/EMI Films, Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones)

This movie begins as it ends: unexpectedly and confusingly. Summed up, it would seem a disappointing outing for the Pythons if this were all, but I think it hints at the greatly acerbic and "disappointed" view they generally held of "Western culture and mythology" writ large and the sort of Christian mores that often go along with it in the late 20th century. It's post-modern and thus irreverent, but actually manages to be so without insulting or denigrating its audience and fans, the vast majority of which are Christian. And the most recognized part of the Christian canon, outside of Christ, is that of King Arthur and his noble knights.

I had the great joy of reviving the coconut-horse-hooves gag during this year's summer church camp theater performances that I helped write and act in. It's effective foley and was purely for the adults in the room, as I'm sure the kids understood the nature of the gag but nothing at all of where it came from. This is somewhat to Holy Grail's detriment, I suppose, given that many of the comedic gags that this and other Python performances have spawned may be well known today, but their original whereabouts don't often point back to this film. At least, probably not until you're a teenager or in high school.

Fortunately, my world history teacher in high school used the scene of the anarcho-syndicalists jawing with "their king" about the virtues and pitfalls of differing governments as a lesson reinforcer, and it has stuck with me ever since. The action in Holy Grail is very cartoony, and rightly so, but its content and context are largely adult in nature. (In light of this, I'm pleasantly surprised my kids like it as much as they do before either one of them reaches double digits.)

The "bring out your dead" scene preceding this is probably pretty accurate when plague swept through in Europe. The boys darkly poke fun when an old man who is not quite dead (a gag that returns several times later) is carried out and protests only to be clubbed over the head and laid atop the heap.

The Black Knight fight(s) are the most sophomoric parts in the film, but they always demand watching. The choreography, while not sexy, does a good job of illustrating the average man's ease at fighting in full armor. The violence and blood is over-the-top and yields some of the most memorable lines from the film: "Tis but a scratch!" and "It's just a flesh wound!" and "I'll bite your legs off!" all delivered by John Cleese.

The witch trial is the second great scene in the film. It neatly lampoons the oft-ridiculed nature of witch hunts and the illogic of those who perpetuate such sham judgments on minority or outcast peoples, but it's also just darn funny without being obnoxious. The faces and words in this scene all serve the funny from an absurdist standpoint, but they also help to move the plot along and give Arthur his first real compatriot in Sir Bedevere. John Cleese's, "I got better," after saying the witch turned him into a newt lives long in the memory.

The "Camelot" song is one of the funniest parts of the whole thing. The careless dance moves that send things flying left and right. The lyrics, which you have to read to understand, mine some decent depths in terms of rhyming "-able" for laughs. The hapless chained prisoner in the dungeon clapping his hands to the beat. It's all madcap silliness and again serves the plot by keeping the characters on the move when they deem it too silly also. The movie kind of peaks here other than the Trojan Rabbit scene and Sir Lancelot's attack on Swamp Castle until about the time you meet Tim the Enchanter.

The Knights Who Say "Ni!" bit is one of those instances where you find it funnier in your head afterward than when you're watching it. It's not a scene that really grabs you necessarily, at first, but the callback later on really helps to pay them off and is unique in that this is the first supporting character to make a return appearance. It effectively pokes fun at the secret, forbidden word, Rumpelstiltskin-type stuff embedded in so much of fantasy lore.

The knights' misadventure with Tim and the Rabbit of Caerbannog is another peak moment. You can tell that a lot of the acting in the movie was probably just the Python mates screwing around and trying to make the others break while filming. I find the whole holy hand grenade instructions and counting bit of this scene quite effectively funny even upon repeat viewings. This again demonstrates the Pythons' sardonic sense when it comes to "the church" and its seeming ridiculous or even unnecessary procedures on the right and wrong way of doing things.

Nice absurdist breaking of the fourth wall when the animator dies of a heart attack to save the knights from the legendary black beast, a scene all done in animation.

The bridge of death sequence is the last peak moment of the movie, but it's well worth it. The strange old man returns, like the Knights Who Until Recently Said "Ni!" previously, and he asks three questions: What is your name? What is your quest? and What's your favorite color? But not always these three. Two of the knights fail this seeming easy task after Sir Lancelot gets across. King Arthur gets the old man instead when he turns the tables in a callback to the swallows and coconuts scene from the beginning, to which the old man doesn't have the answer and perishes. Dumb, but funny.

The only other repeating gag we get is at the end when now only Arthur and Bedevere reach the Castle Arrgh and find it again in the possession of French forces. Their taunts of Arthur and company follow rather typical lines such as: "I unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window dresser! So, you think you could outclever us French folk with your silly knees bent running about advancing behavior. I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of secondhand electric donkey-bottom biters!" This feels more like stream-of-consciousness ad-libbing rather than script writing, but, either way, it's funny stuff.

And, as mentioned, the movie ends abruptly with something like two minutes of black screen with "carny music" playing behind it. King Arthur never finds the grail but is instead arrested on suspicion of murder, given an earlier scene where a historian relating details on the Arthur legend to the audience is unceremoniously killed by a mounted knight. Perfectly in keeping with all else that's happened thus far, eh?

August 7 — 8 of 365 logged

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In the News: "Opinions may differ, but anger still leads to hatred."

365 Films in 365 Days – June 28: Jaws

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. Coinciding with the June Friday this year that marks the first scene as the story unfolds circa 1974, let's dive into the waters of:

Jaws (1975, Universal Pictures, Steven Spielberg)

I don't recall when or at what age I was when first I saw Jaws. I feel like it was before I was a teenager, but after the age of 10. I certainly didn't appreciate it until I saw it later—probably one of the umpteen times it was re-televised on the boob tube—but it still remains as one of my personal favorite movies, horror and thrillers aside, that demands watching almost any time of year. It's so effectively in its favor, too, that it plays mostly in the bright of day, so I can't help but think of the best time to watch it as just after lunch on a lazy afternoon with the blinds drawn tight.

Speaking of boobs: this movie starts with a well-endowed young gal who gets killed while skinny-dipping. The old "innocent girl meets a horrible fate" trope. Much to its credit, I don't mind the fact that it has this horror hallmark in it as an eye-roller. In fact, I almost feel like her death is deserved. I've never sympathized with late-night partiers and the "hanging-out-to-get-drunk-and-or-laid" crowd. Normal as those activities may—albeit disguised—seem for people at a certain age, I think they hide an unscrupulous "frat-boy" way of life that is too often lauded and less than admirable and moral.

The intro of Chief Brody's family, house life, and professional circle is all done so effortlessly that it doesn't really play like a movie. I feel like I'm watching candid footage of real people in a documentary, but without the pomp and narrative critique of a documentarian's stylings. Way to go, Spielberg!

Pipit the black lab and little Alex Kintner are the shark's second (probably) and third victims. A naked girl, a dog, and a kid in the first 15 minutes. Straight cold-blooded.

Quint's chalk-board scratching scene and Hooper's examination of Chrissie's remains scene give us the perfect picture of both characters in support of Brody at the center. The three of them are so different and yet so evenly complement each other that you can't help but be eager to see any of the two of them in scenes together thereafter.

Poor Brody during the tiger shark scene. I watched Scheider's reactions and eye movements as he listens to Hooper talk about bite radiuses and then when Mrs. Kintner slaps him over the death of her son, and you can really feel his dilemma. Top shelf acting.

That scene is then followed by the sweetest, most stage theater sequence in the film at the Brody house when Hooper comes over to talk shop and share wine at the dinner table. Love Brody's interaction with his son and the line, "Give us a kiss." Reminds me of my dad.

It's a shame they didn't go out to hunt "Bruce" (the great white) later on in Hooper's boat. That's not a plot hole though. They go out in Hooper's boat, and you've got no Quint, and probably no shark. And easily 1/3 less of a movie.

"It's only an island if you look at it from the water." Brody's line sums up his worldview. He is a simple but flawed man who moves through life unafraid of what he can't control but unwilling to fully confront or acknowledge those fears. His is the most complete story arc, and everyone else in the movie serves to help him realize it.

Ben Gardner's death marks Bruce's fourth likely kill. Despite the fact that you see his corpse's head float into frame and in full view, I'm not as disturbed by it as I am the other deaths. Maybe it's because Hooper's state-of-the-art boat is so nearby. Maybe it's because the head is just a very lifelike lifecast of the actor's real head. Maybe it's just because I know it's coming.

Love the beach scene on the 4th. Brody is the only one who doesn't seem to have a place in the action. Even as the fake shark is revealed to be boys pulling a prank, and the real thing swims into the estuary to claim another life, all Brody can do is race to the scene late and in a panic. Love also how the shark passes visibly under the bridge where Brody vaults onto the sand, and everyone is pointing and shouting at it, but he doesn't blink as he sprints to find his sons and make sure they're safe.

The scene in Quint's shop after they finally hire him is full of color and tension. As big a problem as dealing with the shark, so, too, will Brody, Quint, and Hooper have to find a way to make their charter work.

I find it interesting how Quint doesn't bring his mute toadie along for the ride. Probably to make room for Hooper, whom he brought along as "ballast", but it completely makes sense from a storytelling stance how you don't need a "fourth wheel" in the mix with the established personalities already providing enough drama.

In the ongoing battle between Quint and Hooper, Quint seems to get the better of Hooper in many of the early exchanges. The unconfirmed scene where something "bites" through the piano wire would seem to be a Quint win, given Hooper's claim that whatever it was at the end of the wire wasn't a shark, but the incident could just as easily be interpreted as a draw because the scene doesn't give us anything definitive. Quint's boat might have been doomed all along, if for no better reason than Quint's pride, so it may have been simply due to the inadequate condition of Quint's wire. Or it was actually the shark. The viewer decides, or doesn't. And doubt lingers as the tension thickens.

Williams's score gets a lot of credit for the iconic "dun-dun dun-dun DUN-DUN" piece—and rightfully so!—but I love, too, the soaring, swashbuckler's theme that plays during the chase after they put a barrel in Bruce. It's stirring and adventurous and perfectly helps to release some tension before the next build-up.

Best. Drunk. Men. Guffawing. Scene. Ever. The whole comparing scars, drinking to legs, and unbridled laughter is so joyous and real that it demands your attention and causes you to fully invest in the fate of these characters. They're brothers now. It's that power of the drink again. It's a vile practice, but a vital one at times. Preceding something bad, more often than not.

The Indianapolis monologue is pure legend. And the truest story in the film. It's a sobering reminder that their briefly shared levity and camaraderie—not unlike what naval crews at war might share—can't foresee what lies beneath the surface.

The tragic moments start bubbling over when Quint takes a bat to the radio and has a spat with Brody over his rash actions. Then again when Hooper jaws with Quint over his stubborn refusal to admit anything when he is at the wheel of the Orca right before her engine blows. Quint tossing the life jackets to them and bowing to Hooper's shark cage strategy is him conceding.

"Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed!" and "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies…" are utterly embedded into the soundscape of Jaws.

Worst. Movie. Death. Ever. Quint's demise is so explicitly shown and so poetically tragic. The stuff of nightmares. Short of being crucified, I can't imagine a worse way to go than to be helplessly eaten alive by a remorseless creature of the depths. No small wonder this movie has traumatized audiences for decades about going into the water. I can almost psyche myself out of going into the deep end of a pool for fear that there might be a shark there waiting for me—ridiculous, I know! That's the power and appeal of Jaws.

The movie ends with a great cathartic release and a final tension unwinder as you watch Brody and Hooper climb on shore behind the scrolling credits. It's standalone perfection and requires no sequels to be enjoyed over and over.

June 28 — 7 of 365 logged

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Graduating Upon an Earthly Revolution

 

Kiddos on the last day of school 2024.

Classic dad photo booth opp at church.

Gathering at the park for birthday eats.

Dads with dads on Dad's Day.

Party assembled!

Cakes and candles!

Gifts and goodies!

Friends and fun!

Round-n-round with the birthday girl.

Round-n-round with big bro.

Contact!

At the head of the dragon coaster heading into the bright, bright sun!

Swinging fun and fancy free.

Nana checks to see if she is the right height. :p

Another good time had at Funderland!

Graduation brunch with kinder bestie.

Thank you for the solid foundation, Mr. Xiong!

The Good Word: "The Lion is a Lamb"

2nd Grade SF Zoo Trip

 

2nd grade assembles at the zoo entrance on Friday, February 23. 

My chaperone group (left to right, John, Riley, and Ewan) pauses for some role-play.

Ewan reminded us that his first word was "giraffe." It's true.

Hangin' with the griz!

We piled on some wildlife fun that day!

He Is in the Middle of All

So thrilled to see where the show is going. Won't soon stop watching where it's been. We're in the middle.

 

In the News: "The GOAT Returns!"

Happy anniversary, Dungeons & Dragons!

In the News: "Still Relevant, Still Stupid We Haven't Changed"

The Good Word: "The Odd and the Weird are Real"

"Know Thyself"

The Man With The Hat Returns!