Sunday, December 25, 2016

Ewan vs Lemon

*nom nom nom*
:( "Bleh!" :(
Second attempt…
:) *ding!* :)

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Ewan vs Phone

"Okay, Mr. Burgundy Plasticy Thingamajig, what do you do?
"Wait. I know what it is."
*doot deet doot*
"Okay. No, really. What does it do?"
"Phone, huh? Let's see … just take this … here…" 
"…put it … up here?"
"Hello, Mr. Publisher?"
"Maybe it's a Bowflex…?"
"Grr-huh-ah! HI-KEEBA!"
"The heck!"
"Listen, Mr. Phone. You and I really need to have a talk."

Future writer in the works…

"Gotta submit my manuscript!"

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Biggest Little City Meet Biggest Hearted Little Samurai

"Here I am!" (*yawn*)
"Wait a minute! That's not how this all started. Let's stop and think about it."
"Yeah, that's right! The Sacramento Amtrak Station in Downtown. That's where it all started!" 
"That's right. Ridin' the rails with my daddy and my 'Humpty Dumpty'."
"Then I woke up and we were there."
"Actually, here. Where are we anyway, Daddy?"
"I think I dreamed about a dragon."
"This bookstore is awesome! Let's go look over there!"
"We ever gonna go to any of these places, Daddy?"
"Okay, let's go."
"Giant Metal Alien Flower Thingy!"
"Where you at, Daddy?"
*nom nom*
"Nana, you sure like animals, huh?"
"Tuckered out, Granpa?"
"That's a good cowboy."
"And happiest of birthdays, Granpa!"
"Mommy! You silly cotton candy troll head!"

Back at the hotel…

"You know what time it is?"
"Daddy? This is the place where what you do stays in it? Right?"

Thursday, November 17, 2016


Another famous monster hunter featured in film, here she is d20ized.

Lieutenant First Class ELLEN LOUISE RIPLEY (circa Aliens, AD 2179)
Female Human Fast Hero 1/Tough Hero 2/Dedicated Hero 2/Field Officer* 2; CR 7
Medium-size Humanoid (height 6’, weight 140 lb.); Age 30 (apparent), 87 (real, though no aging occurred due to time spent in hypersleep)
* See Future

Init +2; Senses (core) Listen +5, Search +1, Spot +4; Senses (house) Listen/Spot +8, Search +1
Languages English, Japanese (read/write only)

Defense (core) 20, touch 20, flat-footed 18; Defense (house) 20, touch 14, flat-footed 18; (+2 Dex, +8 class)
hp 44 (7 HD); Mas 13
Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +7
Action Points 9

Speed 30 ft.
Melee unarmed strike +4 (1d3 nonlethal, 20) or
Melee by weapon +4
Ranged M41A pulse rifle +6 (2d8 ballistic, 20, 75 ft., S/A, 99 box) or
Ranged U1 grenade launcher +6 (5d6 fire/slashing, 20, 50 ft., S, 4 int.)
Ranged M240 incinerator unit +6 (3d6+2 fire, 20, 20 int.)
Ranged by weapon +6
Space 5 ft. by 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Base Atk +4; Grp +4
Atk Options none
Special Qualities none

Abilities Str 11, Dex 14, Con 13, Int 13, Wis 14 (13), Cha 12
'(-)' indicate original ability scores.
Allegiances her daughter, herself, good, Weyland-Yutani; Rep +5; San 42
          Note: Ripley suffers from PTSD and comorbid generalized anxiety disorder.
Feats Action Boost, Educated (physical sciences, technology), Heroic Surge, Renown, Personal Firearms Proficiency, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Starship Operation (heavy), Vehicle Expert
Flaws Night Terrors (Due to Ripley’s previous traumatizing experiences, she suffers horrifying nightmares concerning xenomorphs every night when she sleeps. Unless she makes a DC 20 Will save before waking up, Ripley awakens exhausted. Even if the save is successful, Ripley awakens fatigued. However, Ripley’s nightmares cease anytime she is actively working in a capacity that would knowingly place her in direct opposition of xenomorphs or their activities.)—Bonus feat: Action Boost
Skills (core) Computer Use +4, Diplomacy +7, Drive +7, Intimidate +4, Listen +5, Knowledge (physical sciences) +8, Knowledge (tactics) +7, Knowledge (technology) +7, Pilot +11, Read/Write English, Read/Write Japanese, Repair +4, Sense Motive +5, Speak English, Spot +4, Survival +4, Treat Injury +4
Skills (house) Computer Use +5, Drive +7, Knowledge (physical sciences) +8, Knowledge (tactics) +7, Knowledge (technology) +8, Perceive +8, Persuade +9, Pilot +11, Read/Write English, Read/Write Japanese, Repair +5, Speak English, Survival +4, Treat Injury +4
Talents (Fast Hero) Evasion
Talents (Tough Hero) Robust
Talents (Dedicated Hero) Skill Emphasis (Pilot)
Talents (Field Officer) Leadership, Uncanny Survival
Starting Occupation Technician (Computer Use, Repair as permanent class skills, +1 on Knowledge [technology])
Possessions (carried weight 19.5 lb.) casual outfit (shirt & coveralls w/jumper; 2 lb.), M41A pulse rifle (w/integrated under barrel pump action U1 grenade launcher that fires 4-round internal M38 High Explosive Armor Piercing grenades; see below; 11 lb.), M240 Incinerator Unit (see below; 6.5 lb.)
Wealth Bonus +7

NEW Weapon M41A Pulse Rifle
Damage: 2d8; Critical: 20; Type: Ballistic; Range: 75 ft.; ROF: S, A; Magazine: 99; Size: L; Weight: 11 lb.; Purchase DC: 20; Res: Mil (+3)

This Progress Level 7 assault rifle uses an electronic pulse action and rotating breech to fire, reducing muzzle climb during burst and automatic fire settings, and fires standard 10mm explosive-tipped caseless rounds. It fires This weapon has a four-round burst setting. When the Burst Fire feat is used, the M41A fires only four bullets instead of five, though the attack penalty (–4) and bonus damage dice (+2d6) remain the same.

NEW Weapon M240 Incinerator Unit
Damage: 3d6+2; Critical: 20; Type: Fire; Range: n/a (30 ft. max); ROF: 1; Magazine: 20 int.; Size: L; Weight: 6.5 lb.; Purchase DC: 18; Res: Mil (+3)

This carbine-style, napthal-fuel-fed flame unit is standard issue for squad and fireteam level ops undertaken by the United States Colonial Marine Corps. Incinerator units can be both backpack fed and cartridge fed. Follow the flamethrower rules on p.102 of the d20 Modern Core Rulebook regarding all else, except increase the backpack’s hit points by +1, and the damage dealt if the backpack were to rupture and explode by +2. Ignore the paragraph on backpack stats if the cartridge is used, but also reduce the incinerator’s magazine size to 10 int. Refilling the backpack or replacing the cartridge has a purchase DC of 12. This weapon is available only when Progress Level 7 equipment is available.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

The Adventures of Young Kabocha Jones

There they were, awaiting the arrival of the Man In The Hat. Scarcely too cute to be believed. But this was no idle couple.
After putting on his duds, Kabocha-chan heard his mommy say, "Think we can go find him?"
"Hah!" the little Kabocha laughed proactively. "No sweat!"
"Well, he sure ain't in here!"
So, Kabocha-chan ventured out in search of the Man In The Hat.
Determined to leave no leaf unturned, he searched low…
…and lower still.
Naturally, Kabocha-chan started to get tired.
And more than a little drooly-hungry.
"Wait! Wuzzat?!"
"Well, here I am."
"Olly olly oxen free!"
"Huh. Nobody."
"Wait, what's this?"
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"What do they call you, kid?"
"I'm Kabocha Jones. Pleased to meet you, mister! You must be the Man In The Hat."
"Jones, huh? Well, you ain't wrong there, kid."
"Guess we must be related or something."
"Oh, Mistah Jones! Don't forget about me!"
"Kitty wanna play."
"If that don't beat all. Picturing us here like this."
From all of us, hope you had whip-crackin' happy Halloween!