My proposal is simple. Let's replace "Happy Birthday to You" with something livelier and less kitschy. "And many more, on channel four; and Scooby-Doo, on channel two!"—dumb! Come on, people don't even respect the Happy Birthday song anymore. "You smell like a monkey, and you look like one too!" Really?
Instead, try this one at your next birthday party:
"[Blankety-blank] Years Young"
(sung to the tune of Camptown Races)
## years young to-day, boo yah, boo yah
## years young to-day, oh the boo yah hey!
Winks all around and you come on in, boo yah, boo yah
You go back home with a chocolate grin, oh the boo yah hey!
Ha-vin' fun all night!
Ha-vin' fun all day!
Here's some money in a fold-out card
That, and you don't have to pay.
It's best when sung with gusto, see Foghorn Leghorn.