April + May Festivities

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365 Films in 365 Days — May 1: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. It may seem sacrilegious to debut this film before the original, but it makes the most sense thematically, and recent reevaluations of this movie and its sequels have shown that its legacy is worthy of the saga and enhances its overall appeal. May marks the month of Star Wars Day and this movie's original release, and so it must be:

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999, Lucasfilm/20th Century Fox, George Lucas)

Ep I opens with all the pomp and circumstance of a Shakespearean play. With crosswise swords and words. The strange austere nature of the Jedi's arrival to the Naboo system, sent on behalf of the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic to settle a trade dispute, is soon after ruined when the Trade Federation, who is performing a blockade of Naboo in protest of the planet's refusal to do crooked business, resolves to have them killed on the word of a hooded holographic figure with a sinister voice. This all advances past the viewer with pulpy, high adventure vibes, as the performances by Neeson and McGregor as Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi suggest they are above any of the dangers. This instills us with a confidence in our heroes, grounds the villains without making the outcome a foregone conclusion, and establishes some early stakes. The first twenty minutes of the movie play out like a solid episode of a limited series. There are three brief action scenes demonstrating the Jedi's abilities, several scene changes from ship bays to forest floors to underwater cities to decadent palace courtyards, and a daring rescue and escape that sends us into our first plot point. It's a breakneck pace, but it's primary intention is to bring all the major players together and give them reason to land on Tatooine, a core location important throughout the saga.

The use of lightsabers and Force powers is effectively impressed upon the audience during the early scenes. Still, the challenges the Jedi face as they progress are not without risk. Star Wars paints a world where competent characters must navigate their problems with courage and planning and flexibility, not with sheer power and plot armor. Despite being the heroes, they aren't immune to sudden setbacks, and they're often set with entrusting their success in the world and with those around them. The whole incident whereby the Jedi meet the outcast Jar Jar Binks and negotiate his release from his superiors spotlights the Jedi as partners in their dealings, not overlords.

Before the half hour mark arrives, our heroes resolve to land on a desert world run by gangsters to acquire parts for their damaged ship from the escape. Ultimately, their goal is to reach the capital of the Republic, Coruscant, to deliver Amidala, the Naboo Queen, so that she can appeal to the highest authorities about the Trade Federation's transgression.

Chance intervenes on Tatooine when Qui-Gon comes across the child Anakin Skywalker while shopping for parts. The boy is evidently strong in the Force—from which a Jedi draws his power—and summarily has what they need to solve their other problems: shelter from an incoming sand storm, and knowledge of a big racing event that can offer our heroes the prize money they need to deal with the local economy. But Anakin's discovery creates its own new wrinkle in the plot: he and his single parent mother are owned slaves, and so can't be emancipated easily. So much of these circumstantial needs pilot the plot and give events a seemingly arbitrary nature of a world that hides a thousand intrigues. It's the same kind of world-building and scenario design that role-playing gamers and designers dream of—bringing elements from different walks of life together on a grand scale where all play some small part in realizing the truth of their togetherness. It makes one doubt the nature of how arbitrary things are and begin to wrestle with the idea of fate and destiny. (It is a story with an intent, after all.)

Qui-Gon gambles on the boy's prowess as a racer and manages to arrange a bet to settle Anakin's release also as a slave. Naturally, the boy wins—in what is still to this day the most imaginative multi-lap race scene put on film—but must leave his mother behind as the wager was only strong enough to win Anakin's freedom. In Star Wars, there's rarely just pure risk then reward without some further sacrifice.

In short order, paths are set for Coruscant as they continue on their original quest, but the added responsibility of training Anakin as a Jedi becomes a side-quest of increasingly equal importance. For you see: Anakin had no father—the product of a virginal birth—and Qui-Gon sees prophecy in the discovery. This invokes themes both mythic and mysterious, plotting a certain course ahead in the here and now flanked by an uncertain past and future. These ideas also align greatly with Qui-Gon's earlier insistence to Obi-Wan to focus on the present.

Take heed world: being unanxious about the before and after in the midst of many doings is a great message.

And again, in the midst of all these swirling, cascading plot elements, we meet R2-D2, C-3PO and Darth Maul—all franchise characters that get their origin stories here! 

Padmé Amidala's wardrobes throughout are little fantastical takes on a variety of real-world royalty looks that give her character this kind of forbidden, forsaken princess vibe. At 14, she's not even an adult and I contend there's a delicacy behind her sterner words when she effects the "queen's voice" that is both a tell and a dodge.

What for more than an hour of the film has been a series of fetch and rescue quests gives way to political intrigues in the first part of the second half. McDiarmid's Senator Palpatine enters here, by all accounts a friendly fatherly figure who can ghost into Padmé's and Anakin's lives—both of which are conspicuously devoid of father figures—and provide them a solid rudder in navigating the glass and steel city-world that they've stepped into. It's great visual storytelling that much of the film previous to the Coruscant scenes is decked in richly lush or harsh environments that are in harmony with the natural world. Coruscant has no vestige of the natural world left to it. Lucas's work throughout the saga is replete with this kind of image messaging.

Padmé's real personality has been hiding in the background much of the film and her character turn occurs during the scene when (ironically, the outcast) Jar Jar provokes private feelings of belonging in her and she literally turns to Palpatine to announce her exit from his arena. She concludes that politics will only fail her and the best way forward is through self-determination. This, too, is analogous to Lucas's early career struggles against the "Hollywood system" and the founding of Lucasfilm and ILM. The saga may be as much autobiographical as it is set in a galaxy far, far away. I'm sure many of us, too, feel like we're living far away from reality, whether by choice or by circumstance. The symbolism goes deep.

The finale plays out across four major battle scenes: the invasion of Theed by Naboo resistance forces led by Padmé, the Gungans' led by Jar Jar in the Battle of the Grassy Plain versus half-a-million B1-series battle droids, the space assault on the Trade Federation droid control ship by Naboo N-1 starfighters assisted by Anakin, and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's duel with Darth Maul. Nothing that is shown is wasted, and just as each character has had to overcome obstacles to this point in the story each of them is given their final exam. Even Obi-Wan—to become the most famous of Jedi—who is mostly a supporting character here, is made to step out from behind his master and graduate to the level of Jedi Knight and master all at once. In many ways, Ep I is the story of how the events the mains experience catapult them into circumstances they are not entirely ready for. Who is ready? What does it mean to be ready in life? Are we prisoners of the actions we and those around us take, or do we exercise appropriate agency in the promises we keep and break?

John William's score sets a new bar and further plants the Star Wars soundscape into our memories with this film, in particular with the track "Duel Of The Fates". Lots of poetry here. Qui-Gon's moment of calm during his fight with Maul is the perfect picture of a Jedi vs a Sith. His has probably the most earned death in a film not based on a true or historical event that I can think of. And then the lightsaber exchange between Obi-Wan and Maul after Qui-Gon falls is everything anger-fueled lightsaber duels ought to be.

In the end, the phantom menace (Palpatine), thought to have been Maul, remains undisclosed in plain sight. The unseen phantom menace (time) continues to soldier on as light begins to give way to dark. In fact, all of the Star Wars trilogies work on this routine: day into night into a new dawn.

Ep I is equal parts whimsical, poignant, adventurous, and virtuous, much like the mains in its story. I've never once watched it and felt I was wasting my time. A winning entry in the canon!

May 1 — 12 of 365 logged

Go to next! Go to last!

365 Films in 365 Days — April 18: The Passion of the Christ

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. This next movie is so good and yet so jarring that I always swallow hard when preparing myself to watch it. It's Good Friday, so I can do none other than:

The Passion of the Christ (2004, Icon/Newmarket Films, Mel Gibson)

The opening of the Passion is rich with dark beauty and menace. The music has a dark sensuality to it, and the performances are raw and theatrical. Jim Caviezel's Christ is the modern template, and productions like The Chosen have definitely benefitted from his portrayal. It simultaneously goes to places no other actor has gone to before and sets itself apart by not inviting imitation. The whole movie plays out that way. Simultaneously setting itself apart and provoking reactions that no other film might dare to emulate. It's indicative of the life Jesus lived—wholly unique and unimpeachable by human standards.

The scene with Satan and Jesus as he asks for the cup to pass from him continues the duality of raw beauty and pure pain. It is an emotional crucifixion. The spirit must be right for the body to obey. The imagery is strong and stark and the words are sparse but unsullied. It's unsettling in its crystallized finality.

The Aramaic, Hebrew, and Latin used in the film lends it such an authenticity and the filmic way in which its shot is enough to tell the story without subtitles. Truly an achievement.

It's truly heart-wrenching, too, to watch Jesus' betrayal and treatment. The "passion" here is His suffering. It's undeniable and very honestly depicted. Jesus' tumble while chained over the bridge as Judas watches on in horror is just-under-over-the-top, which sets the table for what is to come.

Judas' betrayal of Jesus is all of ours to own. We each betray God in our own ways. And the penalty for that is death. But Jesus saves us from ourselves, if we follow him to the end. Judas followed Jesus only most of the way, sadly. Being a follower simply isn't enough, if it's only with our bodies. We must die to our old selves to follow him in spirit. The film deftly evokes all of this.

The scene with Jesus and Mary at the tall, rich man's table is such a needed relief. The movie is heavy throughout, and rightfully so, but we need those little warm touches and kind remembrances to survive the ordeal. We are, too, what we remember in life.

The spoken words of Aramaic during Jesus' interrogation in Caiaphas' court has such power to it. The words they speak and the manner they deliver them in have a spellbinding power. I can't watch that scene without trembling and verging on tears. Why does this scene affect me so? Why does this story affect anyone so dramatically in this day and age? These are questions one must honestly consider.

I remember a religious studies student standing up in class in the Spring of 2004 after the movie came out. The professor—in a class on the teachings of Jesus—had elicited comments from the students as to their reactions to the film. The student who stood—a young woman—claimed she thought the film had many silly contradictions and didn't make any sense. Some others in the class laughed at this. I even recall the professor smirking at those comments. I don't think I had ever felt so much disconnect and pity for my fellow man than at that time. It's not a shock to me that the film was received so by some at that time. That was the height of the "new atheism" movement in America. A movement which has spawned nothing to remember it by, and given us no answers, no solace. A movement that will have lasted less time on earth in its heyday than Jesus spent bodily while here. That's telling.

Pilate's first encounter with Jesus in the film doesn't feel like a movie. This is when filmmaking is at its zenith: when you forget you're watching moving pictures on a screen and you're transported.

"If you cannot hear the truth, no one will tell you." This is a line in the film and a thing of absolute truth. Interesting that it comes from Pilate's wife, Claudia, who is as forgettable a named character that there is. And yet there she is, saying those words to her man in a moment of uncertainty for him. Jesus is, was, and always will be to the Son of God, God incarnate, and no amount of him claiming literally that he is God would have changed anything for the better. Evidence aside, every person must decide for themself.

The scene in Herod's court reminds me a lot of the Jabba's palace scenes in Return of the Jedi.

They chose an insurrectionist over the truth two-thousand years ago. We did it again in 2024.

The flagellation scene is repellent and wrong. It had to be. It's awful. But it also kinda purifies you by experiencing it. I've rarely felt more clarity and urgency than what these scenes spur out of my soul. We should feel uncomfortable and poised to move when we watch this. Let it purify you, I say.

Jesus' amazingly strong proclamations in the midst of such agony makes me heave and makes tears to flow every time. It's not emotional manipulation. It's pure emotional outpouring.

Simon of Cyrene's outburst during the scene when Jesus falls carrying the cross should be the reaction of all of us. Fantastic direction, staging, and performances by all here.

The scene revealing Golgotha ("The Place of the Skull") is sufficiently epic and stirring.

Caviezel's face during the Sermon on the Mount scene is full of grace.

And again, in the midst of awfulness, we're given the Last Supper scene to help sustain us. The poetry and parallelism is not lost on me.

The crucifixion itself is wonderfully presented. All the beats and moments you can imagine reading the passages from the Bible are here to see.

By the time the credits roll, you've been marked by this picture. Despite the fact that one might argue this movie is the height of fictional storytelling, I believe in the historicity of this tale and all that implies. Amen.

April 18 — 11 of 365 logged

Go to next! Go to last!

Reason is the starting place.

The Good Word: "The Older Brother"

The Good Word: "The Prodigal Son"

The Good Word: "The Primacy of the Gospels"

King of Atlantis

AQUAMAN, KING ORIN (Atlantean name), ARTHUR CURRY (human name)
Male Unique Half-Atlantean Legendary Strong Hero 3/Fast Hero 2/Tough Hero 3/Charismatic Hero 2/Helix Warrior* 8; CR 22; LA +6
Medium Humanoid (aquatic, mutant) (height 6’ 1”, weight 325 lb.); Age late 30s
* See Future
Experience ~280k

Init +5; Senses (core) Listen +5, Search +1, Spot +4; Senses (house) Listen/Spot +10, Search +1
Languages Atlantean, English

Defense 27, touch 26, flat-footed 24; Defensive Martial Arts, Dodge (+3 Dex, +13 class, +1 gear)
hp 253 (18 HD); Mas 29; DR 12/— (DR 22 vs depth pressure)
Fort +18 (+2 vs poisons, diseases, radiation; +4 vs. hot/cold environments, suffocation/drowning/depth pressure), Ref +11, Will +8
Action Points 14

Speed 30 ft., swim 305 ft. [30] (good)
Melee unarmed strike +27/+22/+17 (1d6+12 lethal/nonlethal, 20) or
Melee unarmed strike +25/+20/+15 (1d6+12) and
Melee unarmed strike +25 (1d6+6, two-weapon) or
Melee +1 keen harpoon hand +27/+22/+17 (1d10+13 piercing, 19-20) or
Melee +3 trident of Neptune +30/+25/+20 (2d6+15 piercing, 20)
Melee by weapon +26/+21/+16 or
Ranged +1 keen harpoon hand +19 (1d10+13 piercing, 19-20, 60 ft.) or
Ranged +3 trident of Neptune +22 (2d6+15 piercing, 20, 20 ft.)
Ranged by weapon +18/+13/+8
Space 5 ft. by 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft.
Base Atk +15; Grp +26 (+8 under water)
Atk Options 2d6 base unarmed damage under water (–2 on atk/Def), Coordinate, Power Attack, Two-Weapon Fighting

Special Qualities ability drain = ability damage, action point roll is 4d6 (take highest), Atlantean traits (see below), carrying/lifting cap = Str +4 and as large creature, electricity resistance 8, conditions lasting less than 1 rnd are ignored (durations 2+ rnds halved if cowering, dazed, exhausted, fatigued, nauseated, panicked, paralyzed, shaken, or stunned), darkvision 120 ft., immunity to cold/depth pressure damage (see trident below), legend traits (4), Listen checks take no penalty while asleep

Abilities Str 32 (18), Dex 16, Con 26 (18), Int 12, Wis 15, Cha 14
'(-)' indicate original ability scores.
Allegiances good, Atlantis, justice, the ocean, chaos, the Justice League; Rep +5; San 70
Feats Animal Affinity, Archaic Weapons Proficiency, Armor Proficiency (light), Athletic, Brawl, Combat Martial Arts, Defensive Martial Arts, Dodge, Endurance, Far Shot, Improved Damage Threshold**, Mobility, Power Attack, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Tough Plus (x2**; Cold/Electricity Resistance, Robust, Second Wind [11 hp, 5/day]), Two-Weapon Fighting, Ultra Immune System, Weapon Focus (trident)**
** Bonus feats acquired from the Legend template.
Skills (core) Balance +5, Climb +15, Concentration +10, Diplomacy +5 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Gather Information +5 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Handle Animal +10 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Hide +5***, Intimidate +8, Jump +12***, Knowledge (arcane lore) +5, Knowledge (current events) +3, Knowledge (history) +4, Knowledge (tactics) +4, Listen +5, Move Silently +5***, Navigate +7, Read/Write Atlantean, Read/Write English, Ride +10 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Sense Motive +5, Speak Atlantean, Speak English, Spot +4, Survival +7, Swim +13***, Tumble +5***
Skills (house) Athletics +19*** (+2 on Climb, +2 on Swim), Control +12, Handle Animal +10 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Gather Information +5 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Knowledge (arcane lore) +5, Knowledge (current events) +3, Knowledge (history) +4, Knowledge (tactics) +4, Perceive +10, Persuade +11 (+10 on Diplomacy toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Read/Write Atlantean, Read/Write English, Ride +10 (+10 toward aquatic animals w/spell-like ability), Speak Atlantean, Speak English, Sneak +8***, Survival +7, Tumble +5***
*** –1 armor check
     Note: Swim has a –4 due to gear weight.
Talents (Strong Hero) Extreme Effort, Melee Smash
Talents (Fast Hero) Increased Speed
     Note: Aquaman elected to apply this increase to his swim speed.
Talents (Tough Hero) DR 2/—
Talents (Charismatic Hero) Coordinate
Talents (Helix Warrior) Darkvision (120 ft.), Haul (Str 4 pts higher for carrying cap), Light Sleeper (Listen checks take no penalty while asleep), Strong as an Ox (carrying capacity as large creature), Superior Conditioning (condition durations lessened), Survivor (add extra d6 on action point roll)
     Note: As a member of the Justice League, Aquaman’s Strong as an Ox ability also allows him to wield weapons as if he were a Large creature. This is his membership perk.
Starting Occupation (core) Adventurer (Intimidate, Knowledge [arcane lore] as permanent class skills; Archaic Weapons Proficiency)
Starting Occupation (house) Adventurer (Knowledge [arcane lore], Persuade as permanent class skills; Archaic Weapons Proficiency)
Possessions (carried weight 23 lb.) +3 trident of Neptune (large-sized weapon, see below; 8 lb.), +1 harpoon hand (see below; 7 lb.), Atlantean pauldron & bracer (worn on the right shoulder and arm, grants the protection of a light steel shield; –1 armor check penalty; 6 lb.), scaled & finned leggings (grant +4 on swim checks; 2 lb.)
Wealth Bonus +27 (most kept in deep sea treasure troves and Atlantean vaults)

ATLANTEAN
     Species Traits
Atlanteans are a subset of humanity that adapted to live under the waves in a quasi-extra dimensional space called Atlantis (a megacity located on Earth). They possess a number of special adaptations and superhuman qualities that set them apart from normal humans. Some of these abilities are due to their unique heritage, while others are a result of the high science/magic nature of their home. All Atlanteans share the following traits, which are all supernatural in nature unless otherwise noted.
     Atlanteans speak their native tongue of Atlantean, though many of them learn to speak the native tongues of the land-dwellers closest to their borders.
     Type: While humanoids, Atlanteans all have the “aquatic” subtype also.
     Ability Modifiers: Atlanteans receive racial bonuses of +8 to Strength and +6 to Constitution.
     Size: Medium. As medium-size creatures, Atlanteans have no special modifiers due to their size.
     Speed: Atlantean speed is 30 feet on land. In water, their base swim speed is 150 feet with a good maneuverability.
     Damage Reduction: Atlanteans are particularly hardy and receive DR 5/—. This DR is 10 against depth pressures when under water.
     Water Breathing (Ex): Atlanteans can breathe water as a fish would (with neck gills). They can also adjust to breathing air (through their noses), but this often requires succeeding on DC 15 Fortitude save (during which they begin the first round of suffocating) that they must retry every round until they’ve succeeded or passed out due to lack of oxygen.
     Xenophobia: Atlanteans are inherently xenophobic toward outsiders and land-dwellers, hampering their ability to reason or get-along with others outside their own. Atlanteans suffer a –5 circumstance penalty on any interaction Cha-based checks they make toward outsiders. Furthermore, when Atlanteans first encounter any outsiders by surprise, they must succeed on a DC 20 Will save or succumb to the cowering condition unless they opt to instead immediately attack the target of their surprise.
     Challenge Rating: +2.
     Level Adjustment: +3.

MUTANT ATLANTEAN “Hybrid Vigor” (Template)
     Template Traits
The only known mutant strand in the Atlantean line is made when a highborn, pureblood Atlantean mates with a land-dweller. “Hybrid vigor” is a unique term used to describe those special Atlanteans that enjoy mixed bloodlines. It describes their ability or more vigorous nature that often surpasses standard Atlantean powers (due to them being overly homogenous for generations upon generations). Of them, only Arthur Curry, called Aquaman by the outside world, is well-known.
     All hybrid vigor traits are extraordinary in nature unless otherwise noted.
     Challenge Rating: +2.
     Level Adjustment: +2.
     Type: His type gains the “mutant” subtype, which may change what other effects and spells will interact with him, etc.
     Special Qualities: Arthur retains all of his special qualities and gains the additional special qualities listed below.
     Movement/Speed: His swim speed increases to 300 feet per move action (that's a maximum of 240 squares at character scale/24 squares at chase scale, which is about 136 miles per hour, when moving at 4x speed).
     However, upon spending an action point Arthur can move at much greater speeds—10x or even 50x that of the maximum above—though for progressively shortened periods of time (days or even hours). These speeds are useful for traversing intercontinental distances by waterway (permitting travel from London to Hong Kong in little less than an hour-and-a-half). Moving at these incredible speeds is a full-round action.
     Communicate with Sea Creatures (Sp): As the spell speak with animals, except the effect is limited only to living creatures of the aquatic subtype, the duration is 1 min per day per point of Constitution modifier (8 min/day; this time need not be used all at once), the means is telepathic (no sound) with a range of 100 feet per point of Con mod (800 ft max), and it provides an empathic link to those same aquatic creatures which grants an added +10 bonus on Diplomacy, Gather Information, Handle Animal, and Ride checks. This ability requires a standard action to initiate and concentration to continue while conversing. The effect permits Arthur to establish and maintain relations with aquatic creatures, and even encourage favors, but it does not charm or otherwise control those animals.
     Damage Reduction: His DR is doubled for both the base (10/—) and against depth pressures (DR 20).

      Super-strength: When under water (submerged), Arthur gains the virtual size category of huge. While his space and reach remain unchanged by this, he receives a +8 bonus on grapple checks; can use improvised weapons of large/huge size (one-handed) or gargantuan size (two-handed); inflicts 2d6 base damage with unarmed attacks; can lift 4x normal carrying capacity; but incurs a –2 penalty on attack rolls/Defense.
     Water Breathing (Ex): As standard Atlantean, except Arthur can transition to air breathing without a Fort save.
     Xenoplatonic: Arthur was never raised xenophobic, and because of his dual heritage tends to favor and champion embracing both worlds.
     Allegiances: Loyalty to Atlantis may be included but is not required. In fact, due to their inherent xenophobia, many “true” Atlanteans may even regard any being of hybrid vigor as a “half-breed” or “mongrel.”
     Ability Scores: His hybrid vigor also grants Arthur an added +4 to Strength.
     Advancement: By character class.

NEW FX Item Trident of Neptune
This oversized (large) trident is made of rare green-gold Nth metal and imbued by the ancient god Neptune with magics sacred to the protection of Atlantis and its peoples. Nth metal behaves as cold iron would for hardness and hit point characteristics, ignores the damage reduction and disrupts the spellcasting (forcing a Concentration check) of fey, fiend, or native outsider creatures within 30 ft of it, grants the possessor immunity to cold and depth pressure damage, and permits them to extend those same protections and their water breathing ability to anyone they hold or take by the hand, and the trident’s metal also slows the possessor’s aging process to 1/2 what it would be normally. As the trident has traditionally been used to identify the rightful king of Atlantis, it is also an important mark of ancestry and rulership, and thus grants the possessor advantage on any Cha-based interaction checks with subjects and loyalists of Atlantis. It is a +3 enchanted weapon, and when under water also grants the wielder advantage on critical hit confirmations and checks or saves to inflict/prevent weapon loss or damage with or against it.

     To be considered a “possessor” of the trident of Neptune requires that it remain in the hands or on the person of the individual wielding it for at least a full 24-hour period. If, after that period, the wielder is of an evil persuasion, they must make a Fortitude and Will save DC 20 or be struck with paralysis (failed Fort) and/or blindness/deafness/dumbness (failed Will) until a remove curse (or similar) effect is cast on them.
     Type: Weapon (magic); Caster Level: 10th; Purchase DC: — (34); Weight: 8 lb.

NEW FX Item Arthur’s Golden Harpoon Hand
This is a refined version of the improvised harpoon hand Arthur had made for himself after the loss of his left hand at the wrist. It is made from the same green-gold Nth metal as the trident of Neptune, but lacks the added enchantments and rulership bearing. It is a +1 magic weapon with the keen quality.
     Type: Weapon (magic); Caster Level: 9th; Purchase DC: — (28); Weight: 7 lb.

365 Films in 365 Days — January 21: The Thing

This series is dedicated to matching memorable movies with the signature day each year upon which I could watch them forever. January 21st is about one month into winter. For those who hate winter, that places the date deep enough in the season to be ready for it to end (in the northern hemisphere, anyway), but not deep enough to hope that it actually will. This movie, too, is set in the earlier half of winter (ironically in the southern hemisphere given my premise), with the ultimate realization that too much of it remains for there to be any hope of surviving the ordeal. And since I'm unlikely to watch it south of the equator, I yield unto you this day:

The Thing (1982, Universal Pictures, John Carpenter)

This movie, Star Wars, and Predator all (vaguely) begin the same way. Ship screams into view as it approaches a nearby planet. That's the all-time great way to establish things. Start unfocused, writ-large and then narrow, narrow, narrow. Turn as many lights off as you can with this one and enjoy.

The original The Thing from Another World (1951) is quite a watchable gem of old school B&W cinema. It's very talky and fast and plays like a lot of vehicles of that sort from the era, but I can still watch it and enjoy it after seeing Carpenter's take. That said, this is definitely one of those times when the remake outpaces the original in almost every way. The plot, mystery, acting, effects, and ending all surpass the original without insult or injury. Admirable.

The ensemble cast (including Keith David, Wilford Brimley, and Donald Moffat) is headed by Kurt Russell in hot-blooded but not hotly contested scenes—no one seems to try to upstage anyone else, and all the parts played are important and/or complementary to the whole. Carpenter's simple synth soundtrack is used for punctuation rather than to cover vast tracts of emptiness. And the "soundless" parts are just as necessary. If all you have of a thing is the thing itself, than do you really have anything at all? It's the quiet scenes that underscore and set up the louder ones.

Case-in-point: The original does a fine walk-around at the original crash site to determine what it is they're dealing with, but this remake really shows you what happened at "ground zero," and does a better job of foreshadowing what is to come for the current crew.

The scenes with the dog skulking and watching as proceedings take place are equally creepy and real. Who says you can't work with pets or kids?

Rob Bottin's work on the practical effects in this are top-notch. I actually thought it was Stan Winston's studio. Shame on me. Bottin probably kept Winston very honest in the 80s with outings like this. No room to cheat.

The scene where they all find the thing mid-transformation with the other dogs is pure nightmare fuel.

The great improvement this movie has over the original, though, is the introduction of doubt. After Blair's convo with Clark, you have to doubt whether anyone might be the thing. You doubt whether it's possible for anyone to even know who is or isn't the thing. The original never ventured into that territory. Is that a factor of a post-Nixon, post-Vietnam era storytelling versus one from before? There are absolutely better told stories from before this time and from before other remakes and retellings that would demand you take them more seriously than anything that came after, but again, here: '51 < '82.

I totally forgot that they make two trips back to the Norwegian encampment, or technically once to the camp and then a separate time to the dig site where the Norwegians found the 100,000-year-old ice where the ship was found. What a nice homage to the original. Clearly, Carpenter was a fan. 

The simple but effective object-that-you-thought-was-inert-a-moment-ago-moves-slightly-under-cover-when-you're-not-looking scene is quality horror. Not novel or unexpected, just quality.

Blair's character and situation might be the most damned of all. He knows what is going on, but has no chance of convincing the others of what he knows and how he knows he has to go about it. Summarily, he knows they've all got to die to ensure this thing doesn't spread to the rest of the planet. Or, at least the others think that's what he knows—or pretends to know—given that they can't trust whether he isn't already the thing himself! Just damned.

It's fun the way that everybody refers to each other by last name. I guess it's a military thing. Mac. Fuchs. Blair. Childs. Nauls. Windows. Names that immediately speak to their characters and live in the memory.

The scene where Windows goes to grab a shotgun and has a standoff with Garry goes absolutely nowhere (mostly)! Nothing significant happens other than the exchange of command. But it's a gripping scene that really establishes the emotional vulnerability of a bunch of grown men in a desperate situation. It's also notable for the set dressing and how they made the hallways up to be reminiscent of the way they were in the original: pretty bare and lined with boxes. Again, Carpenter was a fan.

The level of stress-born distrust is portrayed so convincingly it's almost stressful to watch. Mac's predicament is all a matter of distrust and it just about ends him by way of lynching. He's practically saved when Norris falls and stops breathing only for the doctor to show up and get his arms chomped off when the doc goes about using a defibrillator on the fallen man. Norris's thing-head then just casually slumps off the body, uses its whip-tongue to lash onto a nearby anchored object, and then grows spider-legs to crawl away. But not before a healthy dose of flame-thrower!

The hot needle blood-test scene is pure tension that leads to pure mishap. And the only part of the movie that really gets to me on a visceral level is the thumb-slicing shots. Good Lord! I couldn't even watch it as Windows did his own. Poor, poor Windows.

Best line in the whole mess is delivered by Moffat as Garry: "I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!" Everything up until the all-caps part is delivered with such calm sincerity. The all-caps part with utter face-vein bulging anger.

When all else fails, kill it with fire!

And then when Blair puts his hand through Garry's face you realize, "Yeah, he was damned. And damn him!"

The giant tentacle-dog monster that the thing reveals itself as at the end definitely deserves consideration to be put on the Mt. Rushmore of movie monsters.

The ending is rather bleak. But appropriately so. It doesn't cheat right up till the end. I'm not sure I can conceive of a better ending. If you showed them "paddling to shore" like Brody and Hooper at the end of Jaws, it would sort of rob your imagination of anything better, besides aping that classic too much.

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